Should've Tried Harder

Guy talking to two girls walking out of the library: "Sorry, I don't hold doors open for girls wearing sweat pants. If you're not gonna try, neither am I."

Alright, Overheard @ BYU on facebook is admittedly pretty funny sometimes. But this time I was really kind of offended, no matter how many people tried to defend this jerk by saying he must have been joking. I'm sorry, but you don't joke with women and their looks, ok?

Yes, I wore sweatpants to campus today. Yes, I know my baggy men's sweatpants from Walmart, t-shirt, zip-up hoodie, low pony tail and baseball hat with a dab of mascara on my eyelashes aren't going to get me the same attention as that chick over there in the cute jeans and sweater with her perfect hair and makeup. But I'm an elementary education major who only had one class this morning with only one guy who's already married. So why should I bother myself by waking up early to get decently ready when I'm only going to be on campus for an hour and a half sitting in that classroom with all girls when I could sleep for an extra 45 minutes and throw myself together as I head out the door with a banana? Ok boys, answer me that one, will you?

It's idiot boys like this that I want to kick really hard in the shin. Wake up Mister. Being a girl is not a piece of cake. Not only is there the whole child-bearing thing, there's also the amount of time and effort it requires to look nice. While you can get up, jump in for a 3 minute shower, throw on any clothes that don't even have to match, run a comb through your hair and be ready to go, it takes us about 5 times that long to be "presentable" by your ridiculous standards. That requires a shower that takes approximately 10 minutes, give or take, for a good shampoo and conditioning of our long, luscious locks that you love so much. (Go ahead, appreciate that awesome alliteration right there. It wasn't even planned.) Add three to five minutes if you want smooth legs. After that is the process of picking out what to wear. We can't just slap on a pair of shorts or jeans and any t-shirt in our closet. It has to match perfectly. And then there's the shoes that have to match too. Sometimes that is the hardest part. After the outfit is chosen comes hair and make up. This process is different for each girl. Some are blessed like me to be able to scrunch some mousse in her hair and be good to go. Others must blow dry, straighten, curl, pouf, etc. That can take a while. Make-up. You imagine how long that one takes. After hair and make up, you've got the whole look together and then it comes time to check in the mirror and see if you've made yourself presentable enough for said Mister at the library. Sometimes you are and you have time to sit down and eat that slimfast so you can lose those extra digits on the scale and be small enough to satisfy the jerk who told you that your average size was "too big." Sometimes it's all wrong though and you have to spend ten more minutes trying to figure out how to fix it and then you have to run out the door and skip breakfast all together, which is really what Jerk wants you to do after all.

So, Mister Jerk, what do you say to that now? Still a chauvinistic prat who thinks that girls are evil and deserve every bit of misery they bestowed upon themselves with that forbidden fruit? Well, let me tell you buddy, you won't stay happily married for long then. Sorry, but you're gonna have to see your wife without make up occasionally. And, well, unless she's a weirdo she probably won't sleep in those cute jeans and sweaters either. So why not get used to it now?

I mean, love is all about loving a person despite their imperfections, right? You shouldn't change anything about yourself in order for someone to "love" you. The man I marry will be long used to seeing me in sweats and no make-up. And he will find it endearing that when I eat I often get stains in the corners of my mouth and store food in my cheeks.

Granted, it's not appropriate for a girl to look like a bum every day and I know that. I like to think that I do a fairly decent job most of the time. But come on. Sometimes a girl just needs a sweatpants day. Maybe she stayed up till three finishing a project. Maybe her grandma died yesterday and she just doesn't care about looking nice that day. That does not, I repeat, DOES NOT give you the right to not be gentleman. Heaven help the girl who ever says yes when you ask her on a date. Hopefully she goes right home and burns every pair of sweatpants that she owns.

Job Description: Superwoman

Flash back:

Fifth grade. Mrs. Purcell's class. I think that year was one of those life-defining years that helped shape who I am today. It was the year that I really solidified my love for reading and writing. I think that was about the time that Jenna and I finally realized that we were really going to be BFFs and that we needed to stop our childish fighting all the time. I had my first boyfriend, JD Healy. (Ha!) But most importantly it was when I first decided that I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up.

I will admit there were a few years in there, like 8th-10th grade or so, where I changed my mind and thought I wanted to be a journalist, but it took a month in yearbook my junior year to know that was NOT what I wanted to do with my life, thank goodness. So when I got a note for the Careers in Education class around registration time for my senior year I remembered my old desire to be a teacher and decided to give the class a try to see if that was in fact still a possibility.

My senior year I spent an hour, four days a week in Mrs. Frega's third grade class...and I loved it. Working with those students for even such a short amount of time made me realize that was something that I could love doing. They were all so fun and adorable and it was so awesome helping them individually or in a small group with their reading or math. That was it. I headed off to college as a declared elementary education pre-major.

(Don't worry, we're almost done with the flashbacking.)

So I spent the first three semesters of college taking all my GEs and prerequisite el ed classes. I didn't ever hit anything that made me change my mind. In fact, I took classes like children's literature that made me super excited about being a teacher. (That's still my favorite class to date, by the way.) I applied to the program and was accepted and started the "arts semester" in Winter 2010.

That semester was rough and on the first day my fellow el ed roommates and I were seriously looking up how much money it would cost if we dropped out of college and went to hair school. I got some experience in the schools teaching a bit of PE and dance, but otherwise it was just sitting in the classroom learning how to incorporate the arts in our classrooms since most school districts are cutting the arts programs and the kids don't have art and music and dance classes. Over all it was a fun semester and I was still excited about being a teacher.

Then Fall semester rolled around and it was business. I was getting more into the pedagogical theory kind of stuff. One of my favorite classes was planning and management. Our teacher used to be an elementary school teacher and it's obvious she was phenomenal at what she did. She has an endless number of stories, good, bad, and funny. It was that single class that made me excited and--a new adjective--scared to be a teacher. Just the word management sent chills up my spine. How on earth am I, 5'2" reserved Stephanie, supposed to get a class of 30 children to listen to and respect me? In high school I was the babysitter that would let kids stay up way past their bedtime and watch tv, blatantly ignoring parent's instructions, merely because I didn't know how to put my foot down and tell the kids I was boss. So again...me and 30 kids. Not gonna lie, this thought absolutely terrified me, especially as we went into our month long practicum experience in the schools.

(Ok, flashback is over.)

Today was my last day of the practicum. For the past month I spent 5-6 hours everyday in Mrs. Cummings' 2nd grade class at Shelley Elementary in American Fork. I had the time of my life.

On only the fourth day I came home, completely smitten with that class of 24 7- and 8-year-olds. I loved them like I've never loved anything or anyone before. Even though I had only known them for such a short time I felt like I was there to try and help make a difference in their lives. And you can only imagine how much that love grew over a month. I purposefully left today when the kids were out at recess because I knew I would bawl my eyes out if I had to say bye to them.

My fear of managing a class isn't quite as bad anymore after this, though I know it won't be easy. I was able to get those kids to be quiet and pay attention to Ms. Griffiths most of the time, but they were already trained by an awesome teacher who was a mother for years before she was a teacher, so she knew what she was doing. That's something that I'll just have to be prepared to deal with when I'm handed my own class next year.

Anyways...the biggest thing that I learned through this experience is that wanting to be a teacher is like wanting to be superwoman. There is so much that you have to do and so much more that you want to do, and a lot that is just impossible to do.

Here's an abbreviated list of some of the things teachers do: teach content that is dictated by state and district curricula; teach life lessons, such as manners, respect, responsibility, how to cooperate with others, how to behave in public, how to socialize properly, and more; grade assignments; plan and prepare all of their lessons; decorate and put together the entire classroom; meet with parents; give each student the individual attention that they need whenever they can spare time to do so; and so much more. Let me tell you, all of this cannot be done in 5 8-hour days a week. And teachers are one of the lowest paid professions. Go figure.

No matter about the money though. That's not why teachers do what they do. They do it because they want to make a difference in children's lives. That's what I want to do. I want to teach my students to love learning. I want them to learn how to express themselves through writing and that they can get lost in reading a good book. I want for my classroom to be a place they can come everyday and feel safe and loved, especially when that's not what it's like for them at home. I want for every single one of my students to come through my classroom and leave knowing they are loved and that being a life-long learner is what it's about. I want to help every single one of them and their own special, specific needs.

Yes, I know that's going to be nearly impossible. But Superwoman's job is nearly impossible, isn't it?

Just remember: Have faith

I work as a custodian on campus. Let me tell you, it gets quite boring vacuuming the same buildings for 4 hours five days a week. Thankfully my boss allows us to use our iPods.

For a while I listened to music. That got kind of boring though. All it does is add a soundtrack to your thoughts.

Then I had the brilliant idea of listening to audio books. I would go to the library and check out books on cd, rip them to my computer, and load them to my iPod (after listening to them I would of course delete them). That was great for a while. I always wished that I had more time to read, so why not double task and listen to books while scrubbing toilets?

After a while though I had gone through the Provo library's skimpy collection and was kind of bored of listening to silly books anyways. So that's when I had the idea to listen to old General Conference talks. I found a podcast that went back to like 2004 and started listening.

One day when I was listening, I heard a talk by Elder Dennis E. Simmons that was entitled "But If Not..." from April 2004. It was one of those talks that kind of grabbed me by the ears and was something I needed to hear. I forgot about it for a time, but earlier this month I remembered it and found it online to read. I would recommend it as a good read for anyone.

I love scriptures and quotes about faith. I think that faith is one of those principles of the Gospel that is so basic that it is often overlooked. Most of us are like, "Yeah, I have faith." But do we really?

In Elder Simmon's talk he says, talking of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, "They knew that faith is more than mental assent, more than an acknowledgment that God lives. Faith is total trust in Him. Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does. Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him."

Faith isn't merely just a belief in something. It is an active process in which we must thoughtfully engage. It isn't enough to say that we have faith in our Father or our Savior. We must show that we have faith in Them and Their works. We must live as if we have faith.

Two of my favorite quotes about faith are as follows:

"Faith in God includes faith in God's timing." Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"Faith builds on the past, but never longs to stay there." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Such simple words, but they mean so much. I won't expound on my thoughts and feelings about those two statements. You take a moment to stop and think about what they mean to you. That will be more useful than knowing what they mean to me.

Another thing that Elder Simmons said was this:
"Men accomplish marvelous things by trusting in the Lord and keeping His commandments—by exercising faith even when they don't know how the Lord is shaping them."

The Lord knows you and has a plan for you. Don't ever forget that you are His child and He loves you and wants what's best for you. Have faith that His hand is shaping and guiding your life. Everything that happens to you is for a reason, the good and the bad. Remain faithful and I truly believe that everything will turn out for the best in the end.

A Letter to the Past

So, over the summer I was cleaning out a bunch of old stuff from my closet and I ran across an audio tape that I recorded, just talking about my life...a journal entry, per se. It was dated September 30, 2005. That's five years ago, for those of you who can't do the math. It was quite entertaining to listen to my fifteen-year-old self complain about life. I was ridiculous! I wish that I could go back and tell myself to suck it up and enjoy life.

It made me think, what if I could really go back and give myself some advice about life? I must say, I've learned a lot over the past five years, even just the past year or two, and I wish I could share my newly discovered wisdom with myself.

Even though it's not possible to do this, I decided that I would try to write a letter to my teenage self anyways. It would go something about like this...:

Dear Fifteen-Year-Old Stephanie,

Stop crying about how "awful" your life is. Reality check: it's not that awful. You have both of your parents. They feed, clothe, and house you. For free.

You have friends. Yes, they are sometimes pretty flaky and can be jerks, but that's how kids are your age. There aren't going to be many that you find who aren't like that, so just learn to work it out with them and not let every little thing they do or don't do get to you. Keep on being picky about the people you choose to spend your time with. You might be a little lonely now, but I promise that you'll make up for it in college. Keep being sensitive and considerate of others, but don't let people walk all over you. Be a bit more assertive. Don't just brush problems away and pretend that they don't exist. I'm still trying to work on that.

Don't complain about school. You might think that the classes you're taking are hard and they suck. Wait till college. You'll wish you could go back to that easy school work. But don't let that discourage you about college. It's great, and so much more worth it than high school. Sure, you'll still have to take biology and some gross humanities classes that aren't much fun, but most of it beats the stuff you're doing right now.

You're having a tough time at dance right now. Stick it through the end of the year and then go ahead and drop out of the company, but don't stop dancing completely. You might think that it's great and the free time is awesome, but you'll regret it in a few years. Keep taking one, maybe two classes a week. Hip hop. Take hip hop. That will always be one of your biggest regrets about dancing. If only Step Up was out already, you'd know why you should take hip hop.

Boys. Ha. Don't worry about boys. You're only fifteen. And don't think that your life is going to be magically better when you turn sixteen...because it isn't. It doesn't get magically better when you go to BYU either. Unfortunately the majority of boys don't quite know how to play the dating game and the majority of girls make it even harder for them, so don't hold your breath. But it’s ok. Learn and grow from your experiences. Everything happens for a reason, even though those reasons aren’t so apparent. Just keep being patient. Believe me, I still have to tell myself daily that I’ve just gotta be patient. And don’t think that you have to set your eyes on anyone from home that you’ve grown up with. There’s a whole world full of men. There are tons that are better suited for you than any of those boys. Not that they’re not great boys, just not great for you. Maybe you could try putting yourself out there a bit more too. And don’t get so attached to a boy. A crush is not a commitment. Learn how to move on faster. You don’t know how much heartache that would save you.

Enjoy living at home with your family. One day you'll be marked as an adult by the world and you'll be on your own. You'll have to do all your cooking and cleaning and laundry and everything. It's really not that bad of a thing having to take care of yourself, but just appreciate the time you have not worrying about those things all the time. Let Mom and Dad know how much you love and appreciate them. Try to help them out more. They do so much for you and Jeff. Ask them for advice. They’re not able to help me with any of my problems now that I’ve finally gotten enough sense to try asking, so see if they can help you while you’re still at home living a life somewhat more similar to the ones they did. Try to always be friends with Jeff. You’ll both go through ups and downs and you’ll get along better sometimes than others, but don’t forget that he should be one of your best friends. Be a good example for him. He’s a good kid.

Biggest piece of advice: don’t plan your life. You never know what’s going to happen. Make goals. Goals are good, but they’re different from plans. Just have faith in the Lord that He’ll take care of you as long as you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Again, be patient. The Lord knows what’s going to be best for you in the long run. He can see the whole picture, so you should try to have an eternal perspective too, no matter how hard it is. Turn to your Father in prayer when you need His help. Ask for the comfort and strength your Savior can give you. Don’t ever think that anything is too silly to take up with your Heavenly Father. Keep doing everything it takes to have as strong a testimony as you do and try to nurture and strengthen it.

That’s probably a lot more advice that you were hoping to hear from your future 20-year-old self, but if you’d listen to it I don’t think life would seem so bad. Just be happy and stop complaining. Really, look for the positive and think about how it could always be so much worse. You’ll do fine kid.

With love, Your Future Self

Ok, so I guess this letter won't ever help my cute, angsty, fifteen year old self, but I think it could be helpful for anyone in high school right now. I guess really the biggest thing that I've learned in the past five years is this: learn from the past. Everything happens for a reason. Figure out what that reason is. What were you supposed to learn from that experience? It makes life make a lot more sense. Not necessarily easier, but better. And hey, who doesn't want life to be better?

And They Lived Smuttily Ever After...

Romance novels.

I don't understand them. I feel like once you've read one, you've read them all.

I will admit, I've never read one, but my boss is obsessed. She's probably read 100+ books in the last year that I've worked for her. And she loves to tell us about her "smutty" books. Sometimes she even reads to us, occasionally skipping paragraphs or pages and sometimes altering the profane language.

But really, I feel like all the stories are the same. The protagonist, who is always a woman, is either

a) an ordinary woman, average in every way
or
b) some rich, famous beauty who acts like a complete spoiled brat.

The man who enters the picture is almost always a very wealthy, powerful man who will sometimes keep his identity a secret from said woman protagonist.

Initially they meet and they loathe each other, though they're oddly attracted to each other. After playing the "I hate you game" for a bit they give up and usually end up in bed. They're blissfully happy for a time until he does something or a secret is revealed and then they go through an awful shouting break up, usually in public. But then after a period of time they realize they still "love" each other and find out it was just a big misunderstanding and/or over reaction and they can work through their problem. Then they end up getting hitched, or whatever people of the world are doing these days.

And that's how they all go. So predictable.

So why do people keep reading them when they know what's going to happen? Beats me.

I am quite an avid fan of children's literature. Not always so predictable, and most of the time pretty clean stuff. Look at Suzanne Collin's The Hunger Games trilogy, for example. Fantastic. They are very captivating books with an underlying romance story, but there is no ready made template being followed. I never knew what to expect and was always surprised. I laughed and cried and loved it, and never once was there anything smutty.

I love plot twists that you don't see coming. I've decided that I'm one of those people who loves surprises. Best birthday present I got this year? A cheese slicer from my grandparents because it's something that I've wanted forever but wasn't expecting one.

So, you want something very predictable and probably more than a little bit provocative? Go pick up a Nora Roberts, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, or Judith McNaught. I'll stick to the juvenile section though, thank you.