A Letter to the Past

So, over the summer I was cleaning out a bunch of old stuff from my closet and I ran across an audio tape that I recorded, just talking about my life...a journal entry, per se. It was dated September 30, 2005. That's five years ago, for those of you who can't do the math. It was quite entertaining to listen to my fifteen-year-old self complain about life. I was ridiculous! I wish that I could go back and tell myself to suck it up and enjoy life.

It made me think, what if I could really go back and give myself some advice about life? I must say, I've learned a lot over the past five years, even just the past year or two, and I wish I could share my newly discovered wisdom with myself.

Even though it's not possible to do this, I decided that I would try to write a letter to my teenage self anyways. It would go something about like this...:

Dear Fifteen-Year-Old Stephanie,

Stop crying about how "awful" your life is. Reality check: it's not that awful. You have both of your parents. They feed, clothe, and house you. For free.

You have friends. Yes, they are sometimes pretty flaky and can be jerks, but that's how kids are your age. There aren't going to be many that you find who aren't like that, so just learn to work it out with them and not let every little thing they do or don't do get to you. Keep on being picky about the people you choose to spend your time with. You might be a little lonely now, but I promise that you'll make up for it in college. Keep being sensitive and considerate of others, but don't let people walk all over you. Be a bit more assertive. Don't just brush problems away and pretend that they don't exist. I'm still trying to work on that.

Don't complain about school. You might think that the classes you're taking are hard and they suck. Wait till college. You'll wish you could go back to that easy school work. But don't let that discourage you about college. It's great, and so much more worth it than high school. Sure, you'll still have to take biology and some gross humanities classes that aren't much fun, but most of it beats the stuff you're doing right now.

You're having a tough time at dance right now. Stick it through the end of the year and then go ahead and drop out of the company, but don't stop dancing completely. You might think that it's great and the free time is awesome, but you'll regret it in a few years. Keep taking one, maybe two classes a week. Hip hop. Take hip hop. That will always be one of your biggest regrets about dancing. If only Step Up was out already, you'd know why you should take hip hop.

Boys. Ha. Don't worry about boys. You're only fifteen. And don't think that your life is going to be magically better when you turn sixteen...because it isn't. It doesn't get magically better when you go to BYU either. Unfortunately the majority of boys don't quite know how to play the dating game and the majority of girls make it even harder for them, so don't hold your breath. But it’s ok. Learn and grow from your experiences. Everything happens for a reason, even though those reasons aren’t so apparent. Just keep being patient. Believe me, I still have to tell myself daily that I’ve just gotta be patient. And don’t think that you have to set your eyes on anyone from home that you’ve grown up with. There’s a whole world full of men. There are tons that are better suited for you than any of those boys. Not that they’re not great boys, just not great for you. Maybe you could try putting yourself out there a bit more too. And don’t get so attached to a boy. A crush is not a commitment. Learn how to move on faster. You don’t know how much heartache that would save you.

Enjoy living at home with your family. One day you'll be marked as an adult by the world and you'll be on your own. You'll have to do all your cooking and cleaning and laundry and everything. It's really not that bad of a thing having to take care of yourself, but just appreciate the time you have not worrying about those things all the time. Let Mom and Dad know how much you love and appreciate them. Try to help them out more. They do so much for you and Jeff. Ask them for advice. They’re not able to help me with any of my problems now that I’ve finally gotten enough sense to try asking, so see if they can help you while you’re still at home living a life somewhat more similar to the ones they did. Try to always be friends with Jeff. You’ll both go through ups and downs and you’ll get along better sometimes than others, but don’t forget that he should be one of your best friends. Be a good example for him. He’s a good kid.

Biggest piece of advice: don’t plan your life. You never know what’s going to happen. Make goals. Goals are good, but they’re different from plans. Just have faith in the Lord that He’ll take care of you as long as you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Again, be patient. The Lord knows what’s going to be best for you in the long run. He can see the whole picture, so you should try to have an eternal perspective too, no matter how hard it is. Turn to your Father in prayer when you need His help. Ask for the comfort and strength your Savior can give you. Don’t ever think that anything is too silly to take up with your Heavenly Father. Keep doing everything it takes to have as strong a testimony as you do and try to nurture and strengthen it.

That’s probably a lot more advice that you were hoping to hear from your future 20-year-old self, but if you’d listen to it I don’t think life would seem so bad. Just be happy and stop complaining. Really, look for the positive and think about how it could always be so much worse. You’ll do fine kid.

With love, Your Future Self

Ok, so I guess this letter won't ever help my cute, angsty, fifteen year old self, but I think it could be helpful for anyone in high school right now. I guess really the biggest thing that I've learned in the past five years is this: learn from the past. Everything happens for a reason. Figure out what that reason is. What were you supposed to learn from that experience? It makes life make a lot more sense. Not necessarily easier, but better. And hey, who doesn't want life to be better?