Just remember: Have faith

I work as a custodian on campus. Let me tell you, it gets quite boring vacuuming the same buildings for 4 hours five days a week. Thankfully my boss allows us to use our iPods.

For a while I listened to music. That got kind of boring though. All it does is add a soundtrack to your thoughts.

Then I had the brilliant idea of listening to audio books. I would go to the library and check out books on cd, rip them to my computer, and load them to my iPod (after listening to them I would of course delete them). That was great for a while. I always wished that I had more time to read, so why not double task and listen to books while scrubbing toilets?

After a while though I had gone through the Provo library's skimpy collection and was kind of bored of listening to silly books anyways. So that's when I had the idea to listen to old General Conference talks. I found a podcast that went back to like 2004 and started listening.

One day when I was listening, I heard a talk by Elder Dennis E. Simmons that was entitled "But If Not..." from April 2004. It was one of those talks that kind of grabbed me by the ears and was something I needed to hear. I forgot about it for a time, but earlier this month I remembered it and found it online to read. I would recommend it as a good read for anyone.

I love scriptures and quotes about faith. I think that faith is one of those principles of the Gospel that is so basic that it is often overlooked. Most of us are like, "Yeah, I have faith." But do we really?

In Elder Simmon's talk he says, talking of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, "They knew that faith is more than mental assent, more than an acknowledgment that God lives. Faith is total trust in Him. Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does. Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him."

Faith isn't merely just a belief in something. It is an active process in which we must thoughtfully engage. It isn't enough to say that we have faith in our Father or our Savior. We must show that we have faith in Them and Their works. We must live as if we have faith.

Two of my favorite quotes about faith are as follows:

"Faith in God includes faith in God's timing." Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"Faith builds on the past, but never longs to stay there." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Such simple words, but they mean so much. I won't expound on my thoughts and feelings about those two statements. You take a moment to stop and think about what they mean to you. That will be more useful than knowing what they mean to me.

Another thing that Elder Simmons said was this:
"Men accomplish marvelous things by trusting in the Lord and keeping His commandments—by exercising faith even when they don't know how the Lord is shaping them."

The Lord knows you and has a plan for you. Don't ever forget that you are His child and He loves you and wants what's best for you. Have faith that His hand is shaping and guiding your life. Everything that happens to you is for a reason, the good and the bad. Remain faithful and I truly believe that everything will turn out for the best in the end.

A Letter to the Past

So, over the summer I was cleaning out a bunch of old stuff from my closet and I ran across an audio tape that I recorded, just talking about my life...a journal entry, per se. It was dated September 30, 2005. That's five years ago, for those of you who can't do the math. It was quite entertaining to listen to my fifteen-year-old self complain about life. I was ridiculous! I wish that I could go back and tell myself to suck it up and enjoy life.

It made me think, what if I could really go back and give myself some advice about life? I must say, I've learned a lot over the past five years, even just the past year or two, and I wish I could share my newly discovered wisdom with myself.

Even though it's not possible to do this, I decided that I would try to write a letter to my teenage self anyways. It would go something about like this...:

Dear Fifteen-Year-Old Stephanie,

Stop crying about how "awful" your life is. Reality check: it's not that awful. You have both of your parents. They feed, clothe, and house you. For free.

You have friends. Yes, they are sometimes pretty flaky and can be jerks, but that's how kids are your age. There aren't going to be many that you find who aren't like that, so just learn to work it out with them and not let every little thing they do or don't do get to you. Keep on being picky about the people you choose to spend your time with. You might be a little lonely now, but I promise that you'll make up for it in college. Keep being sensitive and considerate of others, but don't let people walk all over you. Be a bit more assertive. Don't just brush problems away and pretend that they don't exist. I'm still trying to work on that.

Don't complain about school. You might think that the classes you're taking are hard and they suck. Wait till college. You'll wish you could go back to that easy school work. But don't let that discourage you about college. It's great, and so much more worth it than high school. Sure, you'll still have to take biology and some gross humanities classes that aren't much fun, but most of it beats the stuff you're doing right now.

You're having a tough time at dance right now. Stick it through the end of the year and then go ahead and drop out of the company, but don't stop dancing completely. You might think that it's great and the free time is awesome, but you'll regret it in a few years. Keep taking one, maybe two classes a week. Hip hop. Take hip hop. That will always be one of your biggest regrets about dancing. If only Step Up was out already, you'd know why you should take hip hop.

Boys. Ha. Don't worry about boys. You're only fifteen. And don't think that your life is going to be magically better when you turn sixteen...because it isn't. It doesn't get magically better when you go to BYU either. Unfortunately the majority of boys don't quite know how to play the dating game and the majority of girls make it even harder for them, so don't hold your breath. But it’s ok. Learn and grow from your experiences. Everything happens for a reason, even though those reasons aren’t so apparent. Just keep being patient. Believe me, I still have to tell myself daily that I’ve just gotta be patient. And don’t think that you have to set your eyes on anyone from home that you’ve grown up with. There’s a whole world full of men. There are tons that are better suited for you than any of those boys. Not that they’re not great boys, just not great for you. Maybe you could try putting yourself out there a bit more too. And don’t get so attached to a boy. A crush is not a commitment. Learn how to move on faster. You don’t know how much heartache that would save you.

Enjoy living at home with your family. One day you'll be marked as an adult by the world and you'll be on your own. You'll have to do all your cooking and cleaning and laundry and everything. It's really not that bad of a thing having to take care of yourself, but just appreciate the time you have not worrying about those things all the time. Let Mom and Dad know how much you love and appreciate them. Try to help them out more. They do so much for you and Jeff. Ask them for advice. They’re not able to help me with any of my problems now that I’ve finally gotten enough sense to try asking, so see if they can help you while you’re still at home living a life somewhat more similar to the ones they did. Try to always be friends with Jeff. You’ll both go through ups and downs and you’ll get along better sometimes than others, but don’t forget that he should be one of your best friends. Be a good example for him. He’s a good kid.

Biggest piece of advice: don’t plan your life. You never know what’s going to happen. Make goals. Goals are good, but they’re different from plans. Just have faith in the Lord that He’ll take care of you as long as you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Again, be patient. The Lord knows what’s going to be best for you in the long run. He can see the whole picture, so you should try to have an eternal perspective too, no matter how hard it is. Turn to your Father in prayer when you need His help. Ask for the comfort and strength your Savior can give you. Don’t ever think that anything is too silly to take up with your Heavenly Father. Keep doing everything it takes to have as strong a testimony as you do and try to nurture and strengthen it.

That’s probably a lot more advice that you were hoping to hear from your future 20-year-old self, but if you’d listen to it I don’t think life would seem so bad. Just be happy and stop complaining. Really, look for the positive and think about how it could always be so much worse. You’ll do fine kid.

With love, Your Future Self

Ok, so I guess this letter won't ever help my cute, angsty, fifteen year old self, but I think it could be helpful for anyone in high school right now. I guess really the biggest thing that I've learned in the past five years is this: learn from the past. Everything happens for a reason. Figure out what that reason is. What were you supposed to learn from that experience? It makes life make a lot more sense. Not necessarily easier, but better. And hey, who doesn't want life to be better?

And They Lived Smuttily Ever After...

Romance novels.

I don't understand them. I feel like once you've read one, you've read them all.

I will admit, I've never read one, but my boss is obsessed. She's probably read 100+ books in the last year that I've worked for her. And she loves to tell us about her "smutty" books. Sometimes she even reads to us, occasionally skipping paragraphs or pages and sometimes altering the profane language.

But really, I feel like all the stories are the same. The protagonist, who is always a woman, is either

a) an ordinary woman, average in every way
or
b) some rich, famous beauty who acts like a complete spoiled brat.

The man who enters the picture is almost always a very wealthy, powerful man who will sometimes keep his identity a secret from said woman protagonist.

Initially they meet and they loathe each other, though they're oddly attracted to each other. After playing the "I hate you game" for a bit they give up and usually end up in bed. They're blissfully happy for a time until he does something or a secret is revealed and then they go through an awful shouting break up, usually in public. But then after a period of time they realize they still "love" each other and find out it was just a big misunderstanding and/or over reaction and they can work through their problem. Then they end up getting hitched, or whatever people of the world are doing these days.

And that's how they all go. So predictable.

So why do people keep reading them when they know what's going to happen? Beats me.

I am quite an avid fan of children's literature. Not always so predictable, and most of the time pretty clean stuff. Look at Suzanne Collin's The Hunger Games trilogy, for example. Fantastic. They are very captivating books with an underlying romance story, but there is no ready made template being followed. I never knew what to expect and was always surprised. I laughed and cried and loved it, and never once was there anything smutty.

I love plot twists that you don't see coming. I've decided that I'm one of those people who loves surprises. Best birthday present I got this year? A cheese slicer from my grandparents because it's something that I've wanted forever but wasn't expecting one.

So, you want something very predictable and probably more than a little bit provocative? Go pick up a Nora Roberts, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, or Judith McNaught. I'll stick to the juvenile section though, thank you.

Moving Violations...For Real This Time

I live in Provo, Utah...home of some of the crappiest drivers you'll ever find.

Yesterday I was driving though a parking lot when all of a sudden a girl in a black '03 Toyota Corolla backed straight into me. Lindsay and I both held back explicatives and I calmly backed around into a parking spot. I was worried to see what damage had been inflicted on poor old Gertrude. But then I found how wonderful it is having a twenty year old car. There might have been a couple scratches, but not a dent. Oh it's kind of sad that they stopped making cars that sturdy. So thank goodness the other girl's car only had a few scratches on the bumper and she admitted it was completely her fault. We parted ways without involving police or insurance companies.

So, thankfully my situation resolved itself just fine. That wasn't the point of this post though.

The point was that people in Utah suck at driving.

Biggest pet peeves I see on the road:

• Not using a turn lane. FREAKING DANG IT PEOPLE. This one will get me to yell at you every time. See that lane right there? The one with the arrow? Ok, that one might not have an arrow, but it's still obviously a turning lane. Oh, so you are turning here? Well then why the crap are you not in that turning lane? Get out of my freaking way.
• Swerving lanes. You see those lines on the road? Well, you're supposed to stay in between them you know. And when you want to move out from between that particular set of lines and into another, turn your blinker on and let everyone else know what you're thinking. Because contrary to your belief, nobody can read your mind.
• Running red lights. It's true, Utah has trained their drivers to run red lights. The traffic lights here stay yellow for like twice as long as the lights in any other state. So twice as many people can make it through the yellow light. And then at least three more can just go ahead through the red light because they saw it when it was yellow. Ha. Idiots. I hope I don't ever get broadsided in one of those intersections. I will sue.
• Parking lots. I swear that Utah has some of the worst parkers in the entire world. Everyone is crooked. Enough said.

That is a very abbreviated list. I am very surprised that this is the first car accident I've had in the two plus years I've lived here. I wish people would get a clue on the road. I would feel so much better about life.

I just walked past next door and the scene I saw through the window was as follows:

Girl lying on love seat with laptop.
She was probably on facebook.
Boyfriend is sitting in a chair that is about 2 feet away from the television screen.
TV is on ESPN.

Thoughts running through my head as I walk by:

"Man, I hope that one day I can be in a relationship where my boyfriend and I are so uninterested in each others lives that at the end of the day we both kick back in the same room and participate in different activities without any conversation."

Ok, perhaps it's a bit of a presumption that isn't quite correct, but still. I would much rather have a relationship where my significant other and I are sitting together on the couch, maybe even touching in some way, and we're talking to each other about anything and everything. The tv could even be on and we could be talking about that, but point is...we're talking. And acknowledging the existence of one another.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but I feel like that's more of what it's supposed to be like.