In Love...With School

That's right. I said what nobody thinks a sane person could ever say. I love school.

That has not always been the case. Heaven's no. True, I was one of those kids who generally enjoyed school as an elementary student, but then you hit middle school and for whatever reason it's no longer wonderful. I think that's one of the many reasons I want to be an elementary school teacher, so I can teach kids when it's still wonderful. Or maybe I should be going into secondary ed so I can make school still be wonderful after moving on...eh whatever.

The past two years of college have been both good and bad, speaking specifically about academics. I have had classes I've loved. I've had classes I've disliked. I've even had a couple classes I've loathed. Dr. Kimball's stink eye and stupid hip hopping TA for American Heritage sure make that last list. Anyways, for my first three semesters I plugged through my GEs, occasionally getting to hit up an el ed class that doubled for a GE credit. Some of those have been my favorite classes that I've taken, such as Children's Literature. I have not enjoyed any of the science classes I've had to take. But I plugged through, managed good grades, and entered the elementary education program for Winter 2010.

The first couple months of the semester were hell. Yeah, I said hell. And I mean it. I honestly don't know how I physically survived. I would wake up super early to get to class at 8, be on campus, usually actually sitting in a class, until 5, and then I went to work from 5-9. After work was usually some form of socializing just so I could stay sane, and then at midnight I'd finish the rest of my homework. Flipping through my journal from that period of my life I constantly see phrases like, "Didn't get to bed until 3" or "Stayed up till 4:30 to finish all my reading." Saturdays were spent at the library. It was awful.

But again, somehow time passed and I survived. After that first week when my fellow el ed roommates and I seriously thought about dropping out and going to Paul Mitchell I realized that I liked what I was doing and after time the work load lightened considerably.

I don't think I would have said that I loved school that semester though. All of my classes were fine arts classes and how to incorporate them into the classroom, so they were way fun, but I felt like not all of them were totally applicable. Then I certainly did not love school Spring semester. Ugh. I really don't know how I managed to make it through those two months on top of everything.

I spent the summer lounging by the pool, reading, working, and enjoying no responsibilities of school. And then that came to an end like everything else.

School started yesterday. I was sort of dreading it. But sort of looking forward to it as well. I did not know at all what to expect for my classes though. They handed us a schedule in March and said, here, sign up for these sections of these classes. So I hardly even knew what classes I was taking. So, yeah, I was just a little bit wary. Especially because they're all 2-3 hour long classes. That sounds like no good.

But then I showed up to my educational psychology class at 8 yesterday and I knew it was going to be an awesome semester. I got my homework done during my break after that class. Math in the afternoon didn't even seem so bad. I got that homework done at work. Work is going to be decent this semester with some new people on the crew and a nice fat raise that my lovely boss gave me. Today I had a literacy class that I think might be my new favorite class that I've taken. Got that homework done and came home and just laid out by the pool and now I'm about to head to work. It's Tuesday afternoon and I have no homework.

But that's not even why I love school. I love school because I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Talking and learning and reading about how kids learn and what we as teachers need to do for them makes me so excited to get in the classroom and start doing my work. I just smile to myself and feel so good about it. Teaching is going to be more than just a job to pay the bills. I'm so excited that all of my classes are getting me so excited for this.

And so that's why I love school.


p.s. Did I mention that I love school?

Nothing Short of a Miracle

Some people think that miracles are confined to Biblical times. I am here to tell you they are not. Miracles happen all around you, all the time; you just have to know how to see them.

Sometimes they're small. For example, class being canceled for the same night of your old roommate's wedding reception, so you don't have to lose the mandatory attendance points you would have had to miss. Or like a rent check not getting cashed for a couple weeks so you can finally notice you don't have enough money in your checking account and have time to juggle money around to avoid the extra fees of a bounced check. Sometimes they're a bit bigger like getting a 4.0 Spring semester when taking the maximum possible credits during one of the most ridiculous emotional roller coaster rides of your life.

Or they can be astronomically huge like the one I've witnessed over the past week.
Last Saturday night I was sitting at home by myself, watching about my fifth episode of Veronica Mars for the day when I got one of those phone calls that you only imagine in your worst nightmare. "Have you heard what happened to the Brooksbys?" Long story short, I found out that Ben and Nate got in an awful crash on their way home to Tacoma and Nate wasn't too bad but Ben's neck was broken. After a lot of praying, worrying, a little restless sleep, fasting, and more praying, it looked like everything was going to be alright. Not even a week later and Ben is out of the hospital, apparently not even having to wear a neck brace.

Do miracles exist? You tell me.

An Ode to 110

For exactly 365 days I have lived in apartment #110 at Roman Gardens in Provo, Utah.

Tomorrow my contract is up and I am being kicked out, all the way next door to #109.

It's been a wonderful year and there have been numberless good times in 110. Oh, all the things I'm going to miss as I make my new home in 109...

• The oven that heats at least 300° hotter than it's set at.
• The air conditioner/heater that sounds like a never ending incline on a roller coaster.
• The toilet that runs every 20 minutes on the dot.
• The toilet that doesn't ever flush properly.
• The dishwasher that sounds like it's choking whenever the cycle is ending and never quite gets the dishes all the way clean.
• The front window that first was sealed shut and now never quite closes all the way.
  
• The hole in the wall that came about by Nathan diving under the love sack.
• Until about a month ago the lock on our door was all janked up, thanks to Aaron trying to bust down our door. If our manager hadn't finally replaced the lock so that the door doesn't jiggled an inch when "locked" that would be listed.
• Clarence. He's our ghost that followed us to 110 from Heritage. Hopefully he will choose to stay and haunt the new girls.
• The time machine microwave, complete with time knob and huge start button.
• Sleeping on the top bunk right next to the window with the crappy blinds that fall down, causing the lights from brown stone and centennial and the sun to shine right in on my face.
  
• The uneven division of the bedrooms. (My room could fit in the other bedroom 2.5 times. At least.)
• A perfect view from the living room of everyone who goes up and down the stairs. Oh all the awkward eye contact.
• A kitchen that shares a wall with the married managers' bedroom.

Character Analysis

In every high school literature class you always have your basic things you have to cover after reading a novel. You have to list the setting, the plot, the theme, the protagonists and antagonists, explain important quotes, etc. I always hated this. Quite a bit actually. Is it not enough that I actually read the dang book, but then I have to list all this stuff just to be told that my ideas and thoughts are "wrong"? I'm sorry, but I don't think that author was thinking that hard about that sentence to mean something so ridiculously complex, but if that's what I have to know for the test, whatever.

What is interesting though is sometimes doing that kind of analysis with your own life. I think that analyzing our own character is kind of a big part of what life is about.

Moving away from home and going to college has been amazing. In the past two years I've learned so much about life and especially about myself, and I've grown so much. I can't believe how much I learn and grow, in a matter of just months. I look back to where I was a year ago, six months ago, two months ago, and I can't believe how far I've come to get where I am today. It's really quite an awesome feeling.

In analyzing my own character, I have learned many things about myself. I have found that I have a lot of good character traits. To name a few I'm patient, understanding, and much more of a listener than a talker.

On the flip side though, I have noticed that I do have some character flaws. I know, surprising right? I'm not actually perfect.

That was a joke.

I've been really pleased that I figured these things out about myself because it means now I can work on improving myself and fixing these flaws.

The first thing that I want to start working on is being more friendly. I have found that I am not an outgoing and friendly enough person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm necessarily unfriendly. I don't think that I glare at people and I don't say rude things or ignore them. But I'm not one to say hello in passing or go up to a person who's standing by him- or herself and start up a conversation. If someone says hi to me I'll definitely say it right back and if a person comes up to me and gets the conversation rolling I follow right along. I'm just not good at being the instigator. And I've realized that's a problem. When people first see me or perhaps even meet me, they take this standoffish-ness as me being perhaps a bit stuck up. I'm too good to get to know them or talk to them. Not true! And I'm sorry to anyone who has ever felt that way! I am just someone who is very content with my own little circle of friends and if I enjoy myself with them I don't feel the need to really branch out. Why buy a new car when the one you've got is working great? Well, at least that's the attitude that my parents have. Anyways, I need to work on being more friendly and outgoing. And I have the perfect opportunity to begin my new friendly ways in just the next couple weeks as summer comes to an end and new people start moving in for the new school year.

Goal #1: Be more friendly.

Alright, the second flaw that I have discovered I have known about for some time, but recently had a more in depth epiphany about it. When I start to like a guy it soon turns into something just short of an obsession. Hmm, I really don't like that word. I will explain what I mean. Basically this guy is the only one that I can see and all of the energy available for being interested in boys is channeled to liking this one guy. I don't do this on purpose, it's just how I am, thus it's one of my character traits, and certainly a flaw. Why a flaw? While it won't be a flaw when I'm married and the most faithful wife the planet has ever seen, it is a flaw when I'm not even dating the guy and I'm endlessly devoted to him. My roommates fondly tell me to take of my blinders on a regular basis. I'm like a horse that is made to wear blinders in order to keep it focused on what is in front of it and not be distracted by its surroundings. My blinders only let me see that one guy and nobody else matters. Although nobody makes me wear them. It's all my own doing, and believe it or not, it does actually quite annoy me that I'm like this. Another part of this problem is that when I've got this guy that I like, I'm reluctant to let my interest in him show. Ridiculous, huh? I've realized the reason for this, however. Because I have devoted so much energy into liking this guy, it makes me that much more afraid of being rejected. So, how can he reject me if he doesn't realize that I like him? Hmm? Exactly. I'm a retard. I would like to say that I have done a bit better at this aspect of my flaw in recent times, but I've still got a heck of a lot to work on as far as fixing this flaw goes. Again, I will be taking advantage of the new school year to work on mending this trait.

Goal #2: Don't put all my eggs in one basket. And don't keep them hidden either.

And now I come to what might be my hamartia. My tragic flaw. The one that brings about my downfall. Macbeth's was hubris. Oedipus' was arrogance. Frankenstein's was curiosity. Hamlet's was indecisiveness. Mine might be the fact that I am so forgiving. I am usually not one to get offended very easily. I just don't let things bother me. I don't take them personally. But sometimes it does happen. Sometimes someone does or says something that really hurts. Or really makes me just angry. Or simply annoys me. When such an offense happens, I leave. I go somewhere to be by myself and think for a bit. Then I usually go and find a friend who I can talk to. I vent to them. Sometimes all I have to do is simply tell them, "This person is driving me crazy." Or, "I'm really quite ticked at so-and-so." After I've had some time alone to think about whatever it is and then vented to someone, it's out of my system. Offense is gone. I can go back to that person and be completely fine with them. The process is always the same. No matter if someone just keeps relentlessly teasing me about something I don't find funny or if they do something that hurts me bad enough to make me bawl my eyes out and have to go for a midnight ice cream run. In the end they are always forgiven and I don't ever make any mention of the offense again and there's no resentment. You might be thinking, wait, how is this a flaw? What, she's too forgiving? Is that possible? Is it possible for someone to be too forgiving? The Savior did tell us that we should forgive someone not only once, not even only seven times, but seventy times seven. But, is there something wrong when I don't ever address the wrongdoer? Especially when it is something more serious that makes me cry? I don't cry too often. Only when I'm really hurting. So if someone makes me cry, should I just go through my normal process and shrug it off with no mention of it? Or should I go to that person and make them aware that they did hurt me? It’s quite a confusing dilemma in my head. Or is it better just to not ever talk about it so it can’t ever be brought up again in the future to make things worse? But then of course there’s the big threat that the person will do the same thing to make me upset because they won’t know that it’s wrong of them to do that. I might put trust in someone who really doesn’t deserve my trust. Oh, so confusing. Too forgiving? Possibly possible. I think I've figured out what it is that I need to work on.

Goal #3: Do not place trust and forgiveness hand in hand.

I think it's important for us to recognize our own character flaws. Perhaps next time you're in a literature class studying some classic novel or play and you start discussing what the main character's problem is you'll think of your own character and what you could do to improve it. You haven't doomed yourself to an awful fate just yet. Your story is far from the end.

The Magic of Endorphins

For three days I woke up at 6, went running, laid out in the sun for an hour or so and read, ate relatively well, read my scriptures, listened to old general conference sessions at work, and went to sleep before midnight. I felt fantastic. I was happy and was sure that nothing could get me down.

Today I slept in until 10, sat inside all day, ate some granola bars, a banana dipped in nesquick powder, and some weirdly flavored goldfish crackers, and I'm about to head to work. I feel awful. I'm upset and angry and have that feeling where I want nothing more than to just go crawl under my covers and stay there curled up in a ball and hide from the world until I die or someone drags me out. Ok, that's a bit over dramatic, but I would love to curl up and sleep for the rest of the day.

It shouldn't be so surprising that all that stuff they taught us in health all those years isn't crap.