What is interesting though is sometimes doing that kind of analysis with your own life. I think that analyzing our own character is kind of a big part of what life is about.
Moving away from home and going to college has been amazing. In the past two years I've learned so much about life and especially about myself, and I've grown so much. I can't believe how much I learn and grow, in a matter of just months. I look back to where I was a year ago, six months ago, two months ago, and I can't believe how far I've come to get where I am today. It's really quite an awesome feeling.
In analyzing my own character, I have learned many things about myself. I have found that I have a lot of good character traits. To name a few I'm patient, understanding, and much more of a listener than a talker.
On the flip side though, I have noticed that I do have some character flaws. I know, surprising right? I'm not actually perfect.
That was a joke.
I've been really pleased that I figured these things out about myself because it means now I can work on improving myself and fixing these flaws.
The first thing that I want to start working on is being more friendly. I have found that I am not an outgoing and friendly enough person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm necessarily unfriendly. I don't think that I glare at people and I don't say rude things or ignore them. But I'm not one to say hello in passing or go up to a person who's standing by him- or herself and start up a conversation. If someone says hi to me I'll definitely say it right back and if a person comes up to me and gets the conversation rolling I follow right along. I'm just not good at being the instigator. And I've realized that's a problem. When people first see me or perhaps even meet me, they take this standoffish-ness as me being perhaps a bit stuck up. I'm too good to get to know them or talk to them. Not true! And I'm sorry to anyone who has ever felt that way! I am just someone who is very content with my own little circle of friends and if I enjoy myself with them I don't feel the need to really branch out. Why buy a new car when the one you've got is working great? Well, at least that's the attitude that my parents have. Anyways, I need to work on being more friendly and outgoing. And I have the perfect opportunity to begin my new friendly ways in just the next couple weeks as summer comes to an end and new people start moving in for the new school year.
Goal #1: Be more friendly.
Alright, the second flaw that I have discovered I have known about for some time, but recently had a more in depth epiphany about it. When I start to like a guy it soon turns into something just short of an obsession. Hmm, I really don't like that word. I will explain what I mean. Basically this guy is the only one that I can see and all of the energy available for being interested in boys is channeled to liking this one guy. I don't do this on purpose, it's just how I am, thus it's one of my character traits, and certainly a flaw. Why a flaw? While it won't be a flaw when I'm married and the most faithful wife the planet has ever seen, it is a flaw when I'm not even dating the guy and I'm endlessly devoted to him. My roommates fondly tell me to take of my blinders on a regular basis. I'm like a horse that is made to wear blinders in order to keep it focused on what is in front of it and not be distracted by its surroundings. My blinders only let me see that one guy and nobody else matters. Although nobody makes me wear them. It's all my own doing, and believe it or not, it does actually quite annoy me that I'm like this. Another part of this problem is that when I've got this guy that I like, I'm reluctant to let my interest in him show. Ridiculous, huh? I've realized the reason for this, however. Because I have devoted so much energy into liking this guy, it makes me that much more afraid of being rejected. So, how can he reject me if he doesn't realize that I like him? Hmm? Exactly. I'm a retard. I would like to say that I have done a bit better at this aspect of my flaw in recent times, but I've still got a heck of a lot to work on as far as fixing this flaw goes. Again, I will be taking advantage of the new school year to work on mending this trait.
Goal #2: Don't put all my eggs in one basket. And don't keep them hidden either.
And now I come to what might be my hamartia. My tragic flaw. The one that brings about my downfall. Macbeth's was hubris. Oedipus' was arrogance. Frankenstein's was curiosity. Hamlet's was indecisiveness. Mine might be the fact that I am so forgiving. I am usually not one to get offended very easily. I just don't let things bother me. I don't take them personally. But sometimes it does happen. Sometimes someone does or says something that really hurts. Or really makes me just angry. Or simply annoys me. When such an offense happens, I leave. I go somewhere to be by myself and think for a bit. Then I usually go and find a friend who I can talk to. I vent to them. Sometimes all I have to do is simply tell them, "This person is driving me crazy." Or, "I'm really quite ticked at so-and-so." After I've had some time alone to think about whatever it is and then vented to someone, it's out of my system. Offense is gone. I can go back to that person and be completely fine with them. The process is always the same. No matter if someone just keeps relentlessly teasing me about something I don't find funny or if they do something that hurts me bad enough to make me bawl my eyes out and have to go for a midnight ice cream run. In the end they are always forgiven and I don't ever make any mention of the offense again and there's no resentment. You might be thinking, wait, how is this a flaw? What, she's too forgiving? Is that possible? Is it possible for someone to be too forgiving? The Savior did tell us that we should forgive someone not only once, not even only seven times, but seventy times seven. But, is there something wrong when I don't ever address the wrongdoer? Especially when it is something more serious that makes me cry? I don't cry too often. Only when I'm really hurting. So if someone makes me cry, should I just go through my normal process and shrug it off with no mention of it? Or should I go to that person and make them aware that they did hurt me? It’s quite a confusing dilemma in my head. Or is it better just to not ever talk about it so it can’t ever be brought up again in the future to make things worse? But then of course there’s the big threat that the person will do the same thing to make me upset because they won’t know that it’s wrong of them to do that. I might put trust in someone who really doesn’t deserve my trust. Oh, so confusing. Too forgiving? Possibly possible. I think I've figured out what it is that I need to work on.
Goal #3: Do not place trust and forgiveness hand in hand.
I think it's important for us to recognize our own character flaws. Perhaps next time you're in a literature class studying some classic novel or play and you start discussing what the main character's problem is you'll think of your own character and what you could do to improve it. You haven't doomed yourself to an awful fate just yet. Your story is far from the end.
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