Character Analysis

In every high school literature class you always have your basic things you have to cover after reading a novel. You have to list the setting, the plot, the theme, the protagonists and antagonists, explain important quotes, etc. I always hated this. Quite a bit actually. Is it not enough that I actually read the dang book, but then I have to list all this stuff just to be told that my ideas and thoughts are "wrong"? I'm sorry, but I don't think that author was thinking that hard about that sentence to mean something so ridiculously complex, but if that's what I have to know for the test, whatever.

What is interesting though is sometimes doing that kind of analysis with your own life. I think that analyzing our own character is kind of a big part of what life is about.

Moving away from home and going to college has been amazing. In the past two years I've learned so much about life and especially about myself, and I've grown so much. I can't believe how much I learn and grow, in a matter of just months. I look back to where I was a year ago, six months ago, two months ago, and I can't believe how far I've come to get where I am today. It's really quite an awesome feeling.

In analyzing my own character, I have learned many things about myself. I have found that I have a lot of good character traits. To name a few I'm patient, understanding, and much more of a listener than a talker.

On the flip side though, I have noticed that I do have some character flaws. I know, surprising right? I'm not actually perfect.

That was a joke.

I've been really pleased that I figured these things out about myself because it means now I can work on improving myself and fixing these flaws.

The first thing that I want to start working on is being more friendly. I have found that I am not an outgoing and friendly enough person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm necessarily unfriendly. I don't think that I glare at people and I don't say rude things or ignore them. But I'm not one to say hello in passing or go up to a person who's standing by him- or herself and start up a conversation. If someone says hi to me I'll definitely say it right back and if a person comes up to me and gets the conversation rolling I follow right along. I'm just not good at being the instigator. And I've realized that's a problem. When people first see me or perhaps even meet me, they take this standoffish-ness as me being perhaps a bit stuck up. I'm too good to get to know them or talk to them. Not true! And I'm sorry to anyone who has ever felt that way! I am just someone who is very content with my own little circle of friends and if I enjoy myself with them I don't feel the need to really branch out. Why buy a new car when the one you've got is working great? Well, at least that's the attitude that my parents have. Anyways, I need to work on being more friendly and outgoing. And I have the perfect opportunity to begin my new friendly ways in just the next couple weeks as summer comes to an end and new people start moving in for the new school year.

Goal #1: Be more friendly.

Alright, the second flaw that I have discovered I have known about for some time, but recently had a more in depth epiphany about it. When I start to like a guy it soon turns into something just short of an obsession. Hmm, I really don't like that word. I will explain what I mean. Basically this guy is the only one that I can see and all of the energy available for being interested in boys is channeled to liking this one guy. I don't do this on purpose, it's just how I am, thus it's one of my character traits, and certainly a flaw. Why a flaw? While it won't be a flaw when I'm married and the most faithful wife the planet has ever seen, it is a flaw when I'm not even dating the guy and I'm endlessly devoted to him. My roommates fondly tell me to take of my blinders on a regular basis. I'm like a horse that is made to wear blinders in order to keep it focused on what is in front of it and not be distracted by its surroundings. My blinders only let me see that one guy and nobody else matters. Although nobody makes me wear them. It's all my own doing, and believe it or not, it does actually quite annoy me that I'm like this. Another part of this problem is that when I've got this guy that I like, I'm reluctant to let my interest in him show. Ridiculous, huh? I've realized the reason for this, however. Because I have devoted so much energy into liking this guy, it makes me that much more afraid of being rejected. So, how can he reject me if he doesn't realize that I like him? Hmm? Exactly. I'm a retard. I would like to say that I have done a bit better at this aspect of my flaw in recent times, but I've still got a heck of a lot to work on as far as fixing this flaw goes. Again, I will be taking advantage of the new school year to work on mending this trait.

Goal #2: Don't put all my eggs in one basket. And don't keep them hidden either.

And now I come to what might be my hamartia. My tragic flaw. The one that brings about my downfall. Macbeth's was hubris. Oedipus' was arrogance. Frankenstein's was curiosity. Hamlet's was indecisiveness. Mine might be the fact that I am so forgiving. I am usually not one to get offended very easily. I just don't let things bother me. I don't take them personally. But sometimes it does happen. Sometimes someone does or says something that really hurts. Or really makes me just angry. Or simply annoys me. When such an offense happens, I leave. I go somewhere to be by myself and think for a bit. Then I usually go and find a friend who I can talk to. I vent to them. Sometimes all I have to do is simply tell them, "This person is driving me crazy." Or, "I'm really quite ticked at so-and-so." After I've had some time alone to think about whatever it is and then vented to someone, it's out of my system. Offense is gone. I can go back to that person and be completely fine with them. The process is always the same. No matter if someone just keeps relentlessly teasing me about something I don't find funny or if they do something that hurts me bad enough to make me bawl my eyes out and have to go for a midnight ice cream run. In the end they are always forgiven and I don't ever make any mention of the offense again and there's no resentment. You might be thinking, wait, how is this a flaw? What, she's too forgiving? Is that possible? Is it possible for someone to be too forgiving? The Savior did tell us that we should forgive someone not only once, not even only seven times, but seventy times seven. But, is there something wrong when I don't ever address the wrongdoer? Especially when it is something more serious that makes me cry? I don't cry too often. Only when I'm really hurting. So if someone makes me cry, should I just go through my normal process and shrug it off with no mention of it? Or should I go to that person and make them aware that they did hurt me? It’s quite a confusing dilemma in my head. Or is it better just to not ever talk about it so it can’t ever be brought up again in the future to make things worse? But then of course there’s the big threat that the person will do the same thing to make me upset because they won’t know that it’s wrong of them to do that. I might put trust in someone who really doesn’t deserve my trust. Oh, so confusing. Too forgiving? Possibly possible. I think I've figured out what it is that I need to work on.

Goal #3: Do not place trust and forgiveness hand in hand.

I think it's important for us to recognize our own character flaws. Perhaps next time you're in a literature class studying some classic novel or play and you start discussing what the main character's problem is you'll think of your own character and what you could do to improve it. You haven't doomed yourself to an awful fate just yet. Your story is far from the end.

The Magic of Endorphins

For three days I woke up at 6, went running, laid out in the sun for an hour or so and read, ate relatively well, read my scriptures, listened to old general conference sessions at work, and went to sleep before midnight. I felt fantastic. I was happy and was sure that nothing could get me down.

Today I slept in until 10, sat inside all day, ate some granola bars, a banana dipped in nesquick powder, and some weirdly flavored goldfish crackers, and I'm about to head to work. I feel awful. I'm upset and angry and have that feeling where I want nothing more than to just go crawl under my covers and stay there curled up in a ball and hide from the world until I die or someone drags me out. Ok, that's a bit over dramatic, but I would love to curl up and sleep for the rest of the day.

It shouldn't be so surprising that all that stuff they taught us in health all those years isn't crap.

It's funny how the most random things can make you homesick.

At home there is a huge gardenia bush on either side of the stairs leading up to the front porch. They bloom in the summertime and I've always thought that they smell horrid. The flowers are really pretty. They have nice, big, white petals. And a very strong scent. My mother loves them. A lot of people who would come to our house and walk past (more like through, because they were so overgrown that they draped onto the stairs) them would comment on how they liked their scent and my mother would insist that they take a few of the flowers with them to scent their car or kitchen or whatever location they chose. Meanwhile I would gag in the background complaining about the egregious stench.

Today I was working at the Cluff, the greenhouse building on campus. As I was locking up I was walking through one of the greenhouses and a familiar bush caught my eye. I approached it and inspected it more closely, and sure enough there were those pretty white flowers indicating that it was a gardenia. I bent close to one of the blossoms and inhaled deeply. Though I would still never choose to scent my house or car or anything with the smell of gardenias, there is something oddly comforting about that smell. It made me ache for my childhood home, if only for a second.

Let All Things Be Done In Cleanliness

So today was a normal day. I got up and went running. Somehow kept myself busy all morning. Oh, I cleaned out the refrigerator and rearranged the tupperware. Among other things, of course. I headed off to work around 2.

My boss is currently out of town, so because of this I have to go to the building where the area supervisor's office is and clock in there so I can then take the lovely Yukon that we use to transport the crew to our various buildings with me to the ITB. Not that any of that is really important for the purpose of the story, but it explains why I had a conversation with the area supervisor. I entered his office to get the key to the Yukon and he stopped me to tell me about some requests that were made by the people out at KBYU. He said that they asked if we could clean out the microwave tonight. He explained that technically it's vending's job to make sure that the microwaves are clean and functioning, but they obviously fail to do that most of the time. We both agreed that it would be best for everyone to make the sometimes whiny people at KBYU as happy as we can and clean out their microwave.

I decided that since I don't fully trust anyone on the crew that was there tonight to get the job done and do it right, I would clean the microwave out myself. That would take what, five minutes? And then I could retreat back to the Cluff where I have been spending many hours by myself over the past couple weeks.

We got there and went straight to our custodial cage. I had to search high and low for a dang squirt thing for a new bottle of glass cleaner. After finally finding one that worked I grabbed a rag or two and headed for the break room. And this is what I found:



Sadly a quick snapshot using my phone doesn't quite do the scene justice. It was the most filthy microwave I've ever seen, which I think is saying something, being a college student. Needless to say I retreated back to the cage to gather about 5 more rags and the Tough Duty. Twenty minutes later I had it looking considerably better, but it was still pretty stained and kind of gross.

What made me kind of scoff at the situation was the sign hanging above the microwave. It said something to the effect of "Please wipe out the microwave after each use. You wouldn't let your own microwave get this dirty, would you?" with a picture of a microwave not nearly as dirty as that one. I know we all get a bit lazy at some times, but really, is it that hard to grab a paper towel that's right there and wipe out the little bit of splatter your food just left inside?

It reminded me of the time that I was at my dance studio when I was 13 or 14. We were at an all day rehearsal one Saturday and our director came in all upset at us because the trashcan in the locker room was overflowing. She spent ten minutes lecturing us about how if we had any respect for the studio we would try to take care of it better by doing obvious things like emptying the garbage when it's spilling over the top. "I'm sure none of you let that happen at your house!" I remember sharing a glance with my friend that obviously said, "Well, actually...yes."

So I guess I'm basically a hypocrite.

Why is it though that we are generally so lazy that instead of exerting the little bit of effort to clean a tiny mess we let it build to a huge mess that takes forever to clean up? I guess it's just one of those mysteries of life. I'd like to think that I'm not always so bad at it, but from today forward I will make an extra effort to not be lazy in my cleaning. You should do it too. It will make some custodian's job much easier.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Nepalese dumplings are phenomenal.

Facebook Stalking...Just Having Some Fun

You know we've all done it. We meet someone and we're curious about them. So...we turn to trusty old facebook.

You type their name in the search bar and search through the results till you find the right person. Some people have so many privacy settings though that when you can't see more than their name and profile picture you quietly curse that person for blocking you out of their life. I mean, seriously, how annoying! When you are able to enter their profile you glance at their "about me," "favorite quotes," "likes and interests," and so on.

Then you get to the pictures. You have to admit it though, a person's profile picture says a lot about him or her.

Are they flexing without a shirt on or is it some kind of head shot?

They think they're beautiful and want to show off how hot they are.

Are they making out with their significant other?

One thing on their mind.

Is it a posed picture with a friend or two, maybe a larger group?

They obviously love their friends, but it's possible that they
can't function without at least one person attached to their hip.

Is it a goofy shot of them making a funny face or something?

They like to laugh at themselves and show that
they're not too above always seeming perfect.

So you study the profile picture and then move on to every picture that this person has ever been tagged in. This number may range from 100 or less to 7 or 8 hundred. But it doesn't matter how many there are, you look at every. single. one. You go through all the Halloween pictures, snow fun, birthday parties, holi festival, football games, end-of-the-year saying goodbye, weddings, babies, etc. etc. You count how many pictures there are documenting this person associating with attractive members of the opposite sex that could be potential competition. Or scope out and see if there's any hot friends you could go after. Sometimes you even make fun connections where you see people that you know in the background, not even aware that they're in a picture.

Sometimes after the pictures you'll move on to see if there are any interesting videos. Perhaps you just peruse their wall, seeing how often they update their status and how profound the updates are, what their friends and family have to say to them, what kind of interacting they do with others, and what youtube videos they found funny recently.

Probably about now you call it a day for stalking this particular person and then say to yourself, "Hmm, who can I look up now?"

Some people think that this is ridiculous and look down on others for participating in such an activity. True, it is very ridiculous, but really, what is the purpose of facebook if not to stalk others? Why else does it post on your wall every single little move you make for the world to see? Why can you tag people in pictures and videos and notes so they can be tracked down any number of ways? Why else is there an easy place to click if you want to look at every single picture ever taken of this person? Why else do they have you list your favorites books and movies and music and your cell phone number and email address and jobs and school and on and on and on? It was obviously meant to be the tool of a stalker.

Question: Have you ever facebook stalked yourself?
Confession: I have.

I mean, come on. Aren't you curious about what people see when they're stalking you? Because obviously it happens. Don't you want to make sure there aren't any potentially embarrassing pictures that you're tagged in that strangers, or friends for that matter, could find and judge you for? You don't want people to be able to make misconceptions about you for what's posted on your wall, right? I think it's a legitimate concern and you should be allowed to stalk yourself once in a while, just to make sure that the image that your facebook is portraying you as is alright with you.

You know what I love best though? Is when you log on and it brings you to your home page and your news feed pops up with a bunch of junk that it thinks you'll be interested in seeing. Some of it I accurately find interesting, but a lot of it is junk. But, sometimes there's something that catches your eye for some reason and you click on it. And then you're sucked in for some reason, looking at pictures from a wedding that your cousin that you haven't seen or spoken to in over ten years went to in Arizona. She was only tagged in two pictures of the 274 picture album, but for some reason you find yourself scanning through the entire album. And then halfway through you're like, wait a second, who are these people? And why on earth am I wasting away my life looking at their wedding pictures?