Robin William's death is absolutely tragic and he will be missed by millions of people. I'll admit, I'm not usually one to comment about stuff like this, but this one hit close to home and has left me with lots of thoughts that I actually want to share.
I have a strong belief that there are two different kinds of depression. There's the kind that pretty much everyone deals with from time to time. Life gets tough, things aren't going well, you get discouraged and kind of sad. It sucks.
Then there's the other kind. The one where you don't know why you're unhappy. All you know is that there is a dark cloud over you that won't disappear, no matter how hard you try to outrun it. It follows you and rains on you and makes life more miserable than words can even begin to describe. I like to distinguish this kind of depression from the other by calling it clinical depression. I absolutely believe that it is due to a chemical imbalance in your brain. No matter how hard you fight it, sheer will power will not conquer this kind of depression.
I have suffered from both of these kinds of depression. While the first kind is not pleasant in any way, there is no way to describe the hell that is clinical depression. Nobody on this Earth could ever begin to understand what it's like unless they've experienced it themselves. And then I really think that it's completely different for each and every case. So there is nobody on this Earth that can ever fully understand another person's depression.
I could tell you about how awful it was for me; about how often and how long I would cry; about how I didn't even know why I was really upset; about how broken and helpless I felt; about how fatigued I always was; about how I had no interest in anything except for sleeping because it was an escape from this world. But even if I was able to describe it perfectly in words, you still would have absolutely no idea what it was actually like for me.
You can't judge anyone based on the fact that they've dealt with depression. There isn't anyone who you can "target" as being depressed. There isn't anything that makes someone especially more susceptible to depression than others (except maybe genetics). I was a missionary when I was clinically depressed. There has never been a time in my life when I was living closer to God than during that time, yet I was struck with this illness. It isn't that hard to hide either. You never know who is struggling with depression.
Thankfully my experience never escalated in severity enough to make me contemplate suicide. I never lost hope in there being something better sometime. I don't know if it was my faith or my personality or just what, but I can see how it could be completely different for others.
I was able to get out of the pit though because I sought help. I had Jo and Sara, two of the best companions and friends that I could have had at the time. I went to a counselor. I went to the doctor. I think it was a combination of medication and God's will that healed me, along with time and patience. I was lucky with how short of time I had to deal with it (although I know that doesn't mean I'll never have to deal with it again). Others have to fight it for longer. And it's harder. And it's not fair. And we have no idea what kinds of demons they are facing. I'm not saying that I condone suicide, but there's no way that we know what a person feels like they have to escape from. Because it can be pretty damn terrible and you don't even have a real reason why.
Long story short, I wish everyone would stop talking about depression like they're experts. Nobody knows anything about someone else's depression.
P.S. You can read more about my personal experience with depression here.
No comments:
Post a Comment