Grow...Don't Fall

In honor of the month of love, I have yet another related topic to discuss about the "L" word. A little bit more of an objective discussion than some of my past posts. Maybe. Probably not.

Today I want to dispute the phrase falling in love.

I've given a lot of thought to this saying, hearing it so often in books and movies and on tv and in everyday life, especially while living in Provo, Utah. And I've heard some small disputes here and there. This made me want to gain my own opinion about it, so I've spent some good time mulling it around in my brain, and I'm ready to deliberate.

I will agree that "falling" in love is not the right term to use. Not when you're using it next to the word love at least. Maybe we could change the phrase to falling in infatuation or falling in lust. I think those would be more fitting.

Let's discuss exactly what this phrase is implying. When we say that someone has fallen in love, we're saying that in the time that it takes for you to trip over something and fall down (less than a few seconds worth of time) the deep feeling of love has developed. Hmmm.

I think that it takes much more than a few seconds to be able to know a person well enough to claim that you love him or her. I think that people often mistake what love really is. And it's no wonder...I just looked up the definition of the word love. That's some ridiculous stuff.

My definition of love: when you care about someone so much that your greatest desire in life is for them to be happy. And you would do anything you could to help them achieve that happiness. Hmm..of course there's more to it than just that, but I think that's basically love in a nutshell. You're free to dispute that if you'd like. I'm not Merriam or Webster.

Anyways, the term that I have chosen to adopt instead of "falling" is to "grow in love" with someone.

This actually goes along quite well with an analogy that I came up with for love a couple years ago. (This used to be a common pastime of mine...especially late at night with Marjorie. Dang, we came up with some good analogies back in the day. Not all specific to love.) But in this particular analogy I compared love to a ladder. A really, really tall ladder. Maybe one that even goes on forever. Well, when you say that you're "in love" with someone, you are saying that you are on this ladder. But where? Perhaps you are only on the first rung. You're just starting to love that person. Maybe you're on the second, or third, or fourth rung. Maybe you're on the hundredth rung. Only you can really say where you are. However, that's not the point of this analogy. The point is that if you are truly in love, you're climbing that ladder. You're progressing. Your love is becoming greater with each rung. It's growing.

I think that this is how the best, deepest, truest love works. First, it starts with a real foundation. That ladder can't be hanging halfway off a step, can it? It has to be on a hard, flat, sturdy foundation. How do you start with a foundation when it comes to love? Focus on getting to know a person. Get to be friends. Put your friendship above those feelings of attraction...at least for now. Then you'll get to see him or her as a real person, not just a piece of meat.

Once you've got your ladder on that foundation, then you can start climbing. It's more likely that it will be easier and progress nicely. That love will grow naturally because that's what true love does. It grows a little bit every day. It's like that Brad Paisley song, "Then" (definitely on my wedding reception playlist). He keeps looking back at moments throughout their relationship and saying, "And I thought I loved you then."

So the next time you're tempted to use the phrase "fall in love" for any reason...stop and think about it. If you "fell" is it really likely to be love? Just saying...

Isn't he stinking cute? 

I luh him.